Journeys End in Lovers Meeting

I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said;

Journeys end in lovers meeting.

What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind“. Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.

But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the happy cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!

Yes, you are looking at one such individual.

And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas‘, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.

Oh god, just the sight of him!

Heart pounding!

Throat thickening!

Absolutely can’t swallow!

All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed… every night …going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you will meet people who will make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.




Me? A Video Girl? I couldn’t be…


Thought number one:


Yes, that’s almost the same thing I thought actually.   I never ever thought I’d see myself in front of the camera.  Let alone being a fitness model, that already came out of left field, but now a video?  There’s just NO WAY🚫🚫

(Now before you get overly hype or whatever, this was a smaller local video, shot here in Indianapolis, IN.  My amazing hair stylist, Taylor Wright, suggested me to an artist. So no, I do not expect to see myself on 106 & Park or MTV anytime soon! *I’d rather it stay that way honestly*  So I agreed to help out.)

⚫Let’s back track real quick, I failed speech class in high school and had my mom (who worked on the board of the township) help me get out of high school early without it :roll:.  I struggle (still) horribly with anxiety and being put in new situations.  I do not like to be the center of attention or have everyone’s eyes all on me.  It freaks me out and I literally stop functioning.  I also didn’t make it through the required speech course in college, which I just so happened to fail twice:twisted:  Thank God I go to the National Academy of Sports Medicine now,  everything’s online.⚫

It was just another random day during another random week.  I was up in Fishers having my stylist work on my hair when she pitched the idea to me.  Mind you, she told me I’d just be part of the background with some folks as if we were at some type of day party.   I objected at first but by the end of the appointment. …FINE FINE FINE ….I agreed to help out.   She’s constantly pushing me to further my modeling career💜

Here comes Saturday,  already, like right now, as if I wasn’t out the night before drinking with friends and getting in bed at 5am . If I remember correctly, I was supposed to arrive around 10am.  BRUH😩 I see her call…it wakes me up, curved, then a text came through, fine, I manage to find my phone in my covers somewhere.

➡➡➡ 3.5 hours later I step outside,  immediately my sense of sight is demolished by the sunlight.   I thought I was dying.  But I have to be completely honest, I really did blank about this video shoot until Taylor hit me up that morning asking if I was on my way 😂.  I even think I made a stop on the way over.   I was still slightly intoxicated.. .I think.

At last, I’ve arrived ! Uhm…WHERE THE HE’LL IS EVERYONE⁉ Turns out there was a change of plans (SIKE,  she played me),  it was only going to be me and the artist in the video!!!  She knew I would have totally refused without question if she told me this beforehand.   UGH!  Taylor’s husband is a producer on the side so he was working on the project as well and so was she even.  I was more comfortable that I expected.  It was a very small set, in an area I was familiar with, so my anxiety slowly settled down.  We were also able to use different props that were even mine, such as my Ruby Nikon, my car, and clothes, so I was in my comfort zone.

The shoot went wonderfully they said and everyone was very pleased with the end results from the entire day of shooting.  I was glad I could help out and was very thankful and blessed for a new opportunity and experience.  It’s definitely something else I can add to my list of random accomplishments!   The video took a little while to put together but I think the boys did a pretty good job!


Ced L Young – Million Rulers

ft. Jackie Morgan:

In Search of a Replacement Knee

Oooohhhmiiigooodnnesss!!! Have you ever hurt a part of your body where you thought your world was coming to an end?  Well I’m about to that point right now!  I mean, just sitting here – someone is attacking my knee (mentally).

This past Saturday – I started a new position with one of my career paths.  This day was like too good to be true!  I frickin’ went to SkyZone, the indoor trampoline park.  Since I grew up with a trampoline in the backyard and went through multiple gymnastics courses, I was in Pro-Athlete🏆 mode.  We’re winding down the afternoon around 1:50pm I’d say, getting those last few jumps in, when I took an extra high jump and looked down (mind you, I’m still in mid air ..PANIC MODE😣) and a little girl was below me!  I attempt to twist and turn my body to avoid her, but end up coming down COMPLETELY wrong on my right leg.

My knee bends to the right…*POP*….then to the left…*POP*..:twisted:..and I immediately crumbled to the ground.   I almost felt like I was living one of those professional athlete injuries (I didn’t want to look!).  I finally open my eyes laying on my right side clutching my knee to my chest. I open my eyes to find a crowd of people surrounding me.

Do I really need to go into detail about what happened next ? See for yourself::
A famous way to spend my evening 😒 at Community North Emergency Room. But hey, I’m not complaining too much, seeing as though I left with a stylish new accessory:

2:53am – Wednesday – Yes , I am awake and finishing up a post. Why⁉ Because my pathetically useless leg/knee combo is causing me terrible pain. I will know more about the condition of my knee in the next few days as I am going to see the doctor tomorrow.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has helped me these past few days while I am trying to recover. You all know what I do and how important physical health is to me, so thank you for constantly checking in 💙

The Rae Times…1st Edition

Ahhhh okay – It’s late in the afternoon on a Tuesday.   I’m currently sitting outside of a Sprint store located on Dean Rd.  There’s no way in hell I’m getting out of this car (because I destroyed my knee Saturday😒)

I just created this WordPress -thing- moments ago and I am still trying to understand it on my Galaxy Note 3.  Maybe I should bring it up on my computer?    I saw it on my Doctor F’s Pinterest page.  (Thanks!!)

It’s 4:06pm and I totally thought I’d be able to create my first post while Tall Person was in the Spring store, fail….as we drive away while I type this.  Apparently we’re venturing over to White Thing 1’s home.  Him and Tall Person are in the landscaping business together.